Dave Barry makes his fiction debut with a ferociously funny novel of love and mayhem in south Florida. In the city of Coconut Grove, Florida, these things happen: A struggling adman named Eliot Arnold drives home from a meeting with the Client From Hell. His teenage son, Matt, fills a Squirtmaster 9000 for his turn at a high school game called Killer. Matt's intended victim, Jenny Herk, sits down in front of the TV with her mom for what she hopes will be a peaceful evening for once. Jenny's alcoholic and secretly embezzling stepfather, Arthur, emerges from the maid's room, angry at being rebuffed. Henry and Leonard, two hit men from New Jersey, pull up to the Herks' house for a real game of Killer, Arthur's embezzlement apparently not having been quite so secret to his employers after all. And a homeless man named Puggy settles down for the night in a treehouse just inside the Herks' yard. In a few minutes, a chain of events that will change the lives of each and every one of them will begin, and will leave some of them wiser, some of them deader, and some of them definitely looking for a new line of work. With a wicked wit, razor-sharp observations, rich characters, and a plot with more twists than the Inland Waterway, Dave Barry makes his debut a complete and utter triumph.

In this "little gem" (Washington Independent Review of Books), Pulitzer Prize-winning columnist and New York Times bestselling author Dave Barry learns how to age happily from his old but joyful dog, Lucy. As Dave Barry turns seventy-not happily-he realizes that his dog, Lucy, is dealing with old age far better than he is. She has more friends, fewer worries, and way more fun. So Dave decides to figure out how Lucy manages to stay so happy, to see if he can make his own life happier by doing the things she does (except for drinking from the toilet). He reconnects with old friends and tries to make new ones-which turns out to be a struggle, because Lucy likes people a lot more than he does. And he gets back in touch with two ridiculous but fun groups from his past: the Lawn Rangers, a group of guys who march in parades pushing lawnmowers and twirling brooms (alcohol is involved), and the Rock Bottom Remainders, the world's oldest and least-talented all-author band. With each new lesson, Dave riffs hilariously on dogs, people, and life in general, while also pondering Deep Questions, such as when it's okay to lie. (Answer: when scallops are involved.) Lessons From Lucy shows readers a new side to Dave Barry that's "touching and sentimental, but there's still a laugh on every page" (The Sacramento Bee). The master humorist has written a witty and affable guide to joyous living at any age.

Barry follows his acclaimed debut novel "Big Trouble" with a book that "leads readers into a crazy complexity of money laundering, drug dealing, murder, sex, violence, hijacking, and undercover work" ("Library Journal").

Don'teven "think" of starting this bookunless you're sitting in a comfortable chair and have lots of time. Afast-paced, impossible-to-put-down adventure awaits as the young orphan Peterand his mates are dispatched to an island ruled by the evil King Zarboff. Theyset sail aboard the "Never" "Land," a ship carrying a precious and mysterious trunk inits cargo hold, and the journey quickly becomes fraught with excitement anddanger.
Discoverrichly developed characters in the sweet but sophisticated Molly, the scary butfamiliar Black Stache, and the fearless Peter. Treacherous battles withpirates, foreboding thunderstorms at sea, and evocative writing immerses thereader in a story that slowly and finally reveals the secrets and mysteries ofthe beloved "Peter Pan."

When funnyman Dave Barry asked readers about their least favorite tunes, he thought he was penning just another installment of his weekly syndicated humor column. But the witty writer was flabbergasted by the response when over 10,000 readers voted. "I have never written a column that got a bigger response than the one announcing the Bad Song Survey," Barry wrote.Based on the results of the survey, Dave Barry's Book of Bad Songs is a compilation of some of the worst songs ever written. Dave Barry fans will relish his quirky take. Music buffs, too will appreciate this humorous stroll through the world's worst lyrics. The only thing wrong with this book is that readers will find themselves unable to stop mentally singing the greatest hits of Gary Puckett.

A New York Times bestseller-a brilliantly funny exploration of the Sunshine State from the man who knows it best: Pulitzer Prize winner Dave Barry. We never know what will happen next in Florida. We know only that, any minute now, something will. Every few months, Dave Barry gets a call from some media person wanting to know, "What the hell is wrong with Florida?" Somehow, the state's acquired an image as a subtropical festival of stupid, and as a loyal Floridian, Dave begs to differ. Join him as he goes in hunt of the legendary Skunk Ape; hobnobs with the mermaids of Weeki Wachee Springs; and visits Cassadaga, the psychic capital of the world, to have his dog's aura read (apparently, she's "very spiritual"). Hitch a ride for the non-stop thrills of alligator-wrestling ("the gators display the same fighting spirit as a Barcalounger"), the hair-raising spectacle of a clothing-optional bar in Key West, and the manly manliness of the Machine Gun Experience in Miami. It's the most hilarious book yet from "the funniest damn writer in the whole country" (Carl Hiaasen, and he should know). By the end, you'll have to admit that whatever else you might think about Florida-you can never say it's boring.

Seth Weinstein always knew Tina was way, way, "way "out of his league. Which is why he's still astonished that he's on a plane heading for their wedding in Florida. The Groom Posse has already pulled an airport prank on him--and he's survived It should be easy going from now on.
But Seth has absolutely no idea what he's about to get into. A simple drink or two with the boys sparks a series of events that will pit Seth and his friends against everything and everyone imaginable, from his very powerful, very disapproving soon-to-be father-in-law to the federal government to a love-struck orangutan.
Seth's hope for smooth sailing is turning into a trip on the "Titanic." And the water is getting deeper by the minute...

In this hilarious novel, written in the voice of eighth-grader Wyatt Palmer, Dave Barry takes us on a class trip to Washington, DC. Wyatt, his best friend, Matt, and a few kids from Culver Middle School find themselves in a heap of trouble-not just with their teachers, who have long lost patience with them-but from several mysterious men they first meet on their flight to the nation's capital. In a fast-paced adventure with the monuments as a backdrop, the kids try to stay out of danger and out of the doghouse while trying to save the president from attack-or maybe not.

If you love to laugh, if you love your country, if you are unaware that "the Sixth Amendment states that if you are accused of a crime, you have the right to a trial before a jury of people too stupid to get out of jury duty," Dave Barry Slept Here is the book for you. Every single momentous event and crucial movement is covered, including:

The Birthing Contractions of a Nation
Kicking Some British Butt
The Forging of a Large, Wasteful Bureaucracy
The Civil War: A Nation Pokes Itself in the Eyeball
The Fifties: Peace, Prosperity, Brain Death
The Reagan-Bush Years: Napping Toward Glory
And much more!

Did you ever wish that you really understood money? Well, Dave Barry wishes that he did, too. But that hasn't stopped him from writing this book. In it, Dave explores (as only he can) such topics as:
- How the U.S. economy works, including the often overlooked role of Adam Sandler
- Why it is not a good idea to use squirrels for money
- Strategies that will give you the confidence you need to try for a good job, even though you are-- let's be honest-- a no-talent loser
- How corporate executives, simply by walking into their offices, immediately become much stupider
- An absolutely foolproof system for making money in the stock market, requiring only a little effort (and access to time travel)
- Surefire tips for buying and selling real estate, the key being: Never buy-- or, for that matter, sell-- real estate
- How to minimize your federal taxes, safely and legally, by cheating
- Why good colleges cost so much, and how to make sure your child does not get into one
- How to reduce the cost of your medical care by basically not getting any
- Estate planning, especially the financial benefits of an early death
- And many, many pictures of Suze Orman
But that's only the beginning! Dave has also included in this book all of the important points from a book written by Donald Trump, so you don't have to read it yourself. Plus he explains how to tip, how to negotiate for everything (including bridge tolls), how to argue with your spouse about money, and how much allowance to give your children (three dollars is plenty). He also presents, forthe first time in print anywhere, the Car Dealership Code of Ethics (" Ethic Seven: The customer is an idiot" ). Also, there are many gratuitous references to Angelina Jolie naked. You can't afford not to buy this book! Probably you need several copies.

What kind of financial shape are you in right now? This scientific quiz will show you.
Be honest in your answers: If you lie, you'll only be lying to yourself! The place to lie is on your federal tax return.
What is your annual income?
1. More than $50,000.
2. Less than $50,000.
3. However much I get when I return these empties.
Not counting your mortgage, how much money do you currently owe?
1. Less than $10,000.
2. More than $10,000.
3. Men are threatening to cut off my thumbs.
How would you describe your portfolio?
1. Conservative, mainly bonds and blue-chip equities.
2. Aggressive, mainly options and speculative stocks.
3. My what?
When analyzing an investment, what do you consider to be the most important factor?
1. The amount of return.
2. The degree of risk.
3. The name of the jockey.
How do you plan to finance your retirement?
1. Savings.
2. Social security.
3. Sale of kidneys.
"-- from the Introduction: " Why You Need This Book" "

Also available as a Crown eBook.

"From the Hardcover edition."

Set sail for high-seas hijinks and nautical nonsense with those paragons of Pirattitude who invented the famous International Talk Like a Pirate Day. Whether readers are old hands at pirating or hopeless landlubbers, the Pirate Guys will have them pirate-savvy in no time with sure-fire pirate pickup lines for any occasion, tips on how to make their pirate party a buccaneer ball that even Martha Stewart would be proud of, and help determining their true pirate monicker.

"RELENTLESSLY FUNNY . . . BARRY SHINES."
--People
A self-professed computer geek who actually does Windows 95, bestselling humorist Dave Barry takes us on a hilarious hard drive via the information superhighway--and into the very heart of cyberspace, asking the provocative question: If God had wanted us to be concise, why give us so many fonts?
Inside you'll find juicy bytes on

How to Buy and Set Up a Computer; Step One: Get Valium
Nerdstock in the Desert; Or: Bill Gates Is Elvis
Software: Making Your Computer Come Alive So It Can Attack You
Word Processing: How to Press an Enormous Number of Keys Without Ever Actually Writing Anything
Selected Web Sites, including Cursing in Swedish, Deformed Frog Pictures, and The Toilets of Melbourne, Australia
And much, much more!

"VERY FUNNY . . . After a day spent staring at a computer monitor, think of the book as a kind of screen saver for your brain."
--New York Times Book Review

America's Pulitzer Prize-winning humorist talks back--in paperback! The 120,000-copy hardcover bestseller is now available in trade paperback format. "Want to impress your friends? Tell them you read the latest work by the 1988 Pulitzer Prize-winner for commentary. Just don't tell them it's full of booger jokes".--Orange County Register. 63 drawings.

When every hiccup sounds like the call of doom, each stomach pang hints at incipient cancer, and a headache means it's time to firm up your last will and testament, The Hypochondriac's Guide to Life. And Death. provides just the relief you need. Gene Weingarten has spent his whole life immersed in the eclectic details of bizarre symptoms, self-diagnosing every minor ache as a potentially deadly disease. Weingarten examines:

• The mind of a hypochondriac
• How your doctor can kill you
• Ulcers and other visceral fears
• The snaps, crackles, and pops of your body that spell disaster
• Things that can take an eye out
• Interpreting DocSpeak

Blending the neurotic anxieties of Woody Allen, the folksiness of Garrison Keillor, and the absurdist vision of Dave Barry, Gene Weingarten conjures up a hilarious prescription for the hypochondriac that lurks inside all of us.

Franklin’s Autobiography is one of the most famous works in American literature. He started it as a private collection of anecdotes for his son, but soon it was transformed into a work of history, both personal and national, revealing Franklin as the man who, as Herman Melville said, possessed “deep worldly wisdom and polished Italian tact, gleaming under an air of Arcadian unaffectedness.

" Just the ticket for the '90s."
SAN FRANCISCO CHRONICLE
If you're too young for a nursing home yet too old to be a rock star, if your marriage is as exciting as scraping grass off the lawnmower blades, then this hilarious book by Pulitzer-Prize-winning columnist and author is for you. Put on your protective eyewear and take a probing look inside your increasingly Spam-like body at: The Midlife (Yawn) Marriage; Wise Financial Planning for Irresponsible Scum Such as Yourself; Sex After 40 (or, Sex? After 40?), and other harsh, but amusing realities that leave you laughing, crying and drooling.

Philip Horkman is a happy man, the owner of a pet store called The Wine Shop, and on Sundays a referee for a local kids' soccer league. Jeffrey Peckerman is the proud and loving father of a star athlete in the girls' ten-and-under soccer league, and he's not exactly happy with the ref.
The two of them are about to collide in a swiftly escalating series of events that will send them running for their lives, pursued by the police, soldiers, subversives, bears, revolutionaries, pirates, and a black ops team that "does not" exist. Where all that takes them you can't even begin to guess, but the literary journey there is a masterpiece of inspiration, chaos, and unadulterated, well, lunacy. And they might even learn a lesson or two along the way.